Here are all the films I've reviewed from my most favorite to my least. Pure and subjective and not tainted by peer pressure. Exactly how a best films list should be!
1. The Lord of the Rings (2001-2003)- 8.69
2. Spartacus (1960)- 8.53
3. Memento (2001)- 8.50
4. Star Trek (2009)- 8.46
5. Batman Begins (2005)- 8.33
6. Rachel Getting Married (2008)- 8.27
7. Gladiator (2000)- 8.23
8. Milk (2008)- 8.18
9. Changeling (2008)- 8.16
(TIE) The Dark Knight (2008)- 8.16
(TIE) Rashomon (1950)- 8.16
12. Atonement (2007)- 8.08
13. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)- 8.00
(TIE) Sansho the Bailiff (1954)- 8.00
15. Jesus of Nazareth (1977)- 7.91
16. Monty Python's Life of Brian (1979)- 7.84
17. Drag Me to Hell (2009)- 7.83
18. Watchmen (2009)- 7.69
19. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)- 7.66
(TIE) Slumdog Millionaire (2008)- 7.66
21. The Gospel According to St. Matthew (1964)- 7.58
22. Black Christmas (1974)- 7.53
(TIE) The Last Temptation of Christ (1988)- 7.53
23. King of Kings (1961)- 7.46
24. Cabiria (1914)- 7.41
25. Knowing (2009)- 7.23
26. The Passion of the Christ (2004)- 7.15
27. Excalibur (1981)- 7.00
28. Intolerance (1916)- 6.92
29. The Greatest Story Ever Told (1965)- 6.66
30. Irreversible (2002)- 6.46
313. Lying (2009)- 4.90
Sunday, July 12, 2009
THE JESUS FILMS
I saw as many as I could. The only one I didn't get a chance to see was the first, THE KING OF KINGS (1927), and that's only because it's not available on netflix yet. We're just gonna have to assume its the best one (I caught the first five minutes online and it seemed promising, but that's all I have to go by so far).
KING OF KINGS (1961)-
directed by Nicholas Ray
or "I Was a Teenage Jesus" as Jeffrey Hunter is sort of the teen idol version of the greatest man who ever lived. The plot juxtaposes the peace-mission of Jesus with the freedom-fighting mission of Barabbas and Judas Iscariot. This basically serves only to lengthen the movie with badly done, overly long battle sequences. There's also an interspersing narration done by Orson Welles that paraphrases the Bible into a sacrilege by interweaving it with original NKJ-verbose narrative. The music is amazing (I like Miklos Rosja's work here better than in BEN-HUR (1959), and for all his short-comings, Jeffrey Hunter's Jesus is probably the best one of the bunch.
7.46/10
THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ST. MATTHEW (1964)-
directed by Pier Paolo Pasolini
or "I Was a Uni-brow Mafia Art-Film Jesus". Much praise has been lavished on this cheap b&w film that stars Italian non-actors reading straight from the scripture. The spectacle of the story is basically gone in favor of what amounts to a union-organizer tale in a strange dystopian version of the Holy Land where the priests wear these weird outfits. The framing is exceptional and Enrique Irazoqui's Jesus is spot-on in his attitude, though I just could never get past that hair of his (shave the brow! please, oh dear god, shave the brow!). The film is jarring, with music used at random and often randomly used (60s gospel blended with 17th century chamber... something that overall works a bit better than it sounds like it should). It's original, yes. It's also really over-rated.
7.58/10
THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD (1965)-
directed by George Stevens
or "I was a Nihilistic-Boring By-the-Book Let's-Not-Piss-Anybody-Off Jesus". Max von Sydow had the presence but not the charm. He's such a sad-sack in this pretty but terribly dull version that is only made worse by the constant stream of cameos.
6.66/10
JESUS OF NAZARETH (1977)-
directed by Franco Zeffirelli
or "I Was a Pompous-Douchebag Jesus." Robert Powell tries to look humble in Franco Zeffirelli's well-developed but ultimately anti-climactic film. Despite the cameos, half of which deliver and half don't at all (Peter Ustinov and Christopher Plummer are amazing as the respective Herods, but Ernest Borgnine looks really out of place and as though he's sleep-walking through his role while Rod Steiger looks kinda befuddled as Pontious Pilate). It's the longest film, though it shouldn't be, and every precious moment of character obtained by the brilliant work of the disciples is ruined by the pompous blowhard douche-bag Jesus. Powell ends up look snarky as his air of British entitlement seeps through every strained droopy-eyed parable he throws out as though the people should listen to him because they should just listen to him, dammit.
7.91/10
MONTY PYTHON'S LIFE OF BRIAN (1979)
directed by Terry Jones
or "I Was Mistaken for Jesus". Not as much a mockery of the life of Christ so much as a mockery of the life of everyone living around Jesus at the time. That's to its credit. While the sketch-comedy plotline keeps it just short of brilliant and it's not quite the laugh-a-minute it's predecessor THE HOLY GRAIL (1979) was, it's still damn fine comedy film-making.
7.84/10
THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST (1988)-
directed by Martin Scorsese
or "I Was a Blasphemous Jesus that Nobody in His Right Mind would Really Consider Following." The most controversial of the Jesus films, and rightfully so, and Jesus is used less as an archetype for the Son of Man and more as an archetype for Man himself. Instead of being the New Adam, he's the same old Adam that just figures things out a little quicker. It's all symbolism, and extremely blasphemous for the most part. It's brilliant and throught-provoking, but misguided and shows only a cursory understanding of the scriptures, which isn't bad in and of itself, since it's not based on the scriptures but on a book that's brilliant, thought-provoking, and utterly blasphemous.
7.53/10
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST (2004)-
directed by Mel Gibson
or "I Was a Snuff-Film Jesus". This is Medieval Catholicism on celluloid. Pounding, vociferous, and banal. Also very well-made.
7.15/10
KING OF KINGS (1961)-
directed by Nicholas Ray
or "I Was a Teenage Jesus" as Jeffrey Hunter is sort of the teen idol version of the greatest man who ever lived. The plot juxtaposes the peace-mission of Jesus with the freedom-fighting mission of Barabbas and Judas Iscariot. This basically serves only to lengthen the movie with badly done, overly long battle sequences. There's also an interspersing narration done by Orson Welles that paraphrases the Bible into a sacrilege by interweaving it with original NKJ-verbose narrative. The music is amazing (I like Miklos Rosja's work here better than in BEN-HUR (1959), and for all his short-comings, Jeffrey Hunter's Jesus is probably the best one of the bunch.
7.46/10
THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ST. MATTHEW (1964)-
directed by Pier Paolo Pasolini
or "I Was a Uni-brow Mafia Art-Film Jesus". Much praise has been lavished on this cheap b&w film that stars Italian non-actors reading straight from the scripture. The spectacle of the story is basically gone in favor of what amounts to a union-organizer tale in a strange dystopian version of the Holy Land where the priests wear these weird outfits. The framing is exceptional and Enrique Irazoqui's Jesus is spot-on in his attitude, though I just could never get past that hair of his (shave the brow! please, oh dear god, shave the brow!). The film is jarring, with music used at random and often randomly used (60s gospel blended with 17th century chamber... something that overall works a bit better than it sounds like it should). It's original, yes. It's also really over-rated.
7.58/10
THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD (1965)-
directed by George Stevens
or "I was a Nihilistic-Boring By-the-Book Let's-Not-Piss-Anybody-Off Jesus". Max von Sydow had the presence but not the charm. He's such a sad-sack in this pretty but terribly dull version that is only made worse by the constant stream of cameos.
6.66/10
JESUS OF NAZARETH (1977)-
directed by Franco Zeffirelli
or "I Was a Pompous-Douchebag Jesus." Robert Powell tries to look humble in Franco Zeffirelli's well-developed but ultimately anti-climactic film. Despite the cameos, half of which deliver and half don't at all (Peter Ustinov and Christopher Plummer are amazing as the respective Herods, but Ernest Borgnine looks really out of place and as though he's sleep-walking through his role while Rod Steiger looks kinda befuddled as Pontious Pilate). It's the longest film, though it shouldn't be, and every precious moment of character obtained by the brilliant work of the disciples is ruined by the pompous blowhard douche-bag Jesus. Powell ends up look snarky as his air of British entitlement seeps through every strained droopy-eyed parable he throws out as though the people should listen to him because they should just listen to him, dammit.
7.91/10
MONTY PYTHON'S LIFE OF BRIAN (1979)
directed by Terry Jones
or "I Was Mistaken for Jesus". Not as much a mockery of the life of Christ so much as a mockery of the life of everyone living around Jesus at the time. That's to its credit. While the sketch-comedy plotline keeps it just short of brilliant and it's not quite the laugh-a-minute it's predecessor THE HOLY GRAIL (1979) was, it's still damn fine comedy film-making.
7.84/10
THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST (1988)-
directed by Martin Scorsese
or "I Was a Blasphemous Jesus that Nobody in His Right Mind would Really Consider Following." The most controversial of the Jesus films, and rightfully so, and Jesus is used less as an archetype for the Son of Man and more as an archetype for Man himself. Instead of being the New Adam, he's the same old Adam that just figures things out a little quicker. It's all symbolism, and extremely blasphemous for the most part. It's brilliant and throught-provoking, but misguided and shows only a cursory understanding of the scriptures, which isn't bad in and of itself, since it's not based on the scriptures but on a book that's brilliant, thought-provoking, and utterly blasphemous.
7.53/10
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST (2004)-
directed by Mel Gibson
or "I Was a Snuff-Film Jesus". This is Medieval Catholicism on celluloid. Pounding, vociferous, and banal. Also very well-made.
7.15/10
GLADIATOR (2000)
directed by Ridley Scott
This film essentially rapes history... but you won't care too much. The story that's been concocted is preposterous, but well-told and looks beautiful. Plus, there's lots of fighting and blood and the ending will make everyone happy. It's a man movie hidden behind a sword-and-sandals epic. Roadhouse meets Spartacus. Not as campy as the first and not as brilliant as the second. But a truly fun film to watch. It was my favorite of the 2000 best picture nominees, so I'm glad it won.
8.23/10
This film essentially rapes history... but you won't care too much. The story that's been concocted is preposterous, but well-told and looks beautiful. Plus, there's lots of fighting and blood and the ending will make everyone happy. It's a man movie hidden behind a sword-and-sandals epic. Roadhouse meets Spartacus. Not as campy as the first and not as brilliant as the second. But a truly fun film to watch. It was my favorite of the 2000 best picture nominees, so I'm glad it won.
8.23/10
SPARTACUS (1960)
SPARTACUS (1960)
directed by Stanley Kubrick
This might just be the greatest historical epic I've ever seen. The spectacle is apparent, but doesn't draw too much attention to itself. The script is subtle and subversive, and the acting, while not altogether flawless, has moments of master-work. The story centers around a slave (Kirk Douglas) who leads a revolt against Rome (represented by Laurence Olivier). To be honest, that's really all you need to know. The script is brilliant; it essentially takes fact and uses speculation as a means of artistic license. It probably didn't happen this way... but it COULD HAVE, and wouldn't it have been AWESOME if it DID? This film may have lost the Oscar race to the good but over-rated THE APARTMENT (1960), but it still puts GLADIATOR's (2000) Oscar-winning fun but history-raping plot to shame.
8.53/10
directed by Stanley Kubrick
This might just be the greatest historical epic I've ever seen. The spectacle is apparent, but doesn't draw too much attention to itself. The script is subtle and subversive, and the acting, while not altogether flawless, has moments of master-work. The story centers around a slave (Kirk Douglas) who leads a revolt against Rome (represented by Laurence Olivier). To be honest, that's really all you need to know. The script is brilliant; it essentially takes fact and uses speculation as a means of artistic license. It probably didn't happen this way... but it COULD HAVE, and wouldn't it have been AWESOME if it DID? This film may have lost the Oscar race to the good but over-rated THE APARTMENT (1960), but it still puts GLADIATOR's (2000) Oscar-winning fun but history-raping plot to shame.
8.53/10
CABIRIA (1914)
CABIRIA (1914)
directed by Giovanni Pastrone
This is said to be Griffith's true inspiration for INTOLERANCE (1916). To be sure, BIRTH OF A NATION (1915), tasteless as it was in concept, was a better film than this. But this was EPIC. Pastrone's CABIRIA is a lightweight in terms of narrative (girl gets sold into slavery to be sacrificed to the god Molech, a Roman agrees to rescue her, does so, loses her to a machinations of a greedy inkeeper, and after some time finds her and rescues her for real this time). Its the grandeur of it that gets to you. Such highlights as the sacrifice scene and the Buster Keaton-esque shield-climbing stunt keep you going through what's mostly actors chewing the amazing set, thrusting their hands wildly around and rolling their eyes in that great teen-silent way that keeps teens from ever paying much attention to silents. Cinephiles call it a masterpiece. I call it just another step in the right direction.
7.41/10
directed by Giovanni Pastrone
This is said to be Griffith's true inspiration for INTOLERANCE (1916). To be sure, BIRTH OF A NATION (1915), tasteless as it was in concept, was a better film than this. But this was EPIC. Pastrone's CABIRIA is a lightweight in terms of narrative (girl gets sold into slavery to be sacrificed to the god Molech, a Roman agrees to rescue her, does so, loses her to a machinations of a greedy inkeeper, and after some time finds her and rescues her for real this time). Its the grandeur of it that gets to you. Such highlights as the sacrifice scene and the Buster Keaton-esque shield-climbing stunt keep you going through what's mostly actors chewing the amazing set, thrusting their hands wildly around and rolling their eyes in that great teen-silent way that keeps teens from ever paying much attention to silents. Cinephiles call it a masterpiece. I call it just another step in the right direction.
7.41/10
MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL (1975)
MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL (1975)
directed by Terry Jones and Terry Gilliam
Probably one of the funniest movies ever made. That doesn't mean it's the greatest movie ever made, just that it certainly gets its job done. The story is actually just a bunch of skits pasted together by a tenuous plot-line. Arthur, making fun of sound effects in the best way possible, roams England in search of knights. Each scene is a social commentary on medieval times and these first scenes, as well as the last couple of scenes involving a cave guarded by an "animal with pointy teeth" and a bridge of death where you must "answer me these questions three" are some of the greatest moments in film comedy. Once Arthur finds his knights and is given his task of finding the holy grail in the most sacrilegious of ways possible, the knights split up and things become a little more hit-and-miss in the middle. There was no decent way to end a film like this, and to have the main characters arrested for murdering an historian seems fitting, as historical epics have a long record of bending facts to fit the narrative. Oh, and the opening credits are something of a minor miracle.
8.00/10
directed by Terry Jones and Terry Gilliam
Probably one of the funniest movies ever made. That doesn't mean it's the greatest movie ever made, just that it certainly gets its job done. The story is actually just a bunch of skits pasted together by a tenuous plot-line. Arthur, making fun of sound effects in the best way possible, roams England in search of knights. Each scene is a social commentary on medieval times and these first scenes, as well as the last couple of scenes involving a cave guarded by an "animal with pointy teeth" and a bridge of death where you must "answer me these questions three" are some of the greatest moments in film comedy. Once Arthur finds his knights and is given his task of finding the holy grail in the most sacrilegious of ways possible, the knights split up and things become a little more hit-and-miss in the middle. There was no decent way to end a film like this, and to have the main characters arrested for murdering an historian seems fitting, as historical epics have a long record of bending facts to fit the narrative. Oh, and the opening credits are something of a minor miracle.
8.00/10
EXCALIBUR (1981)
EXCALIBUR (1981)
directed by John Boorman
This movie has to be someone's favorite drinking game. The pacing is scattershot, the dialogue is dreadful, the acting consistent only in the fact that it's over-the-top, and the special effects are typically banal for a lower-budget film that contains the music. The music is obvious and awkward and... it's almost hilariously awesome in its awkward bravado. This is the Autherian legend(s), stripped of their poetry, squeezed into a running time, and... god, I dunno. I think it says something that every main female character in this film shows her breasts at some point. It wasn't a good film, but sorta like a bad team that shows up and at least makes the better team work for it, you can't help but root for the damn thing, even while endlessly making fun of it. The grail sequence is one classic "WTF?" moment after another.
7.00/10
directed by John Boorman
This movie has to be someone's favorite drinking game. The pacing is scattershot, the dialogue is dreadful, the acting consistent only in the fact that it's over-the-top, and the special effects are typically banal for a lower-budget film that contains the music. The music is obvious and awkward and... it's almost hilariously awesome in its awkward bravado. This is the Autherian legend(s), stripped of their poetry, squeezed into a running time, and... god, I dunno. I think it says something that every main female character in this film shows her breasts at some point. It wasn't a good film, but sorta like a bad team that shows up and at least makes the better team work for it, you can't help but root for the damn thing, even while endlessly making fun of it. The grail sequence is one classic "WTF?" moment after another.
7.00/10
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