THE JESUS FILMS

I saw as many as I could. The only one I didn't get a chance to see was the first, THE KING OF KINGS (1927), and that's only because it's not available on netflix yet. We're just gonna have to assume its the best one (I caught the first five minutes online and it seemed promising, but that's all I have to go by so far).

KING OF KINGS (1961)-

directed by Nicholas Ray

or "I Was a Teenage Jesus" as Jeffrey Hunter is sort of the teen idol version of the greatest man who ever lived. The plot juxtaposes the peace-mission of Jesus with the freedom-fighting mission of Barabbas and Judas Iscariot. This basically serves only to lengthen the movie with badly done, overly long battle sequences. There's also an interspersing narration done by Orson Welles that paraphrases the Bible into a sacrilege by interweaving it with original NKJ-verbose narrative. The music is amazing (I like Miklos Rosja's work here better than in BEN-HUR (1959), and for all his short-comings, Jeffrey Hunter's Jesus is probably the best one of the bunch.

7.46/10

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ST. MATTHEW (1964)-

directed by Pier Paolo Pasolini

or "I Was a Uni-brow Mafia Art-Film Jesus". Much praise has been lavished on this cheap b&w film that stars Italian non-actors reading straight from the scripture. The spectacle of the story is basically gone in favor of what amounts to a union-organizer tale in a strange dystopian version of the Holy Land where the priests wear these weird outfits. The framing is exceptional and Enrique Irazoqui's Jesus is spot-on in his attitude, though I just could never get past that hair of his (shave the brow! please, oh dear god, shave the brow!). The film is jarring, with music used at random and often randomly used (60s gospel blended with 17th century chamber... something that overall works a bit better than it sounds like it should). It's original, yes. It's also really over-rated.


7.58/10

THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD (1965)-

directed by George Stevens

or "I was a Nihilistic-Boring By-the-Book Let's-Not-Piss-Anybody-Off Jesus". Max von Sydow had the presence but not the charm. He's such a sad-sack in this pretty but terribly dull version that is only made worse by the constant stream of cameos.

6.66/10

JESUS OF NAZARETH (1977)-

directed by Franco Zeffirelli

or "I Was a Pompous-Douchebag Jesus." Robert Powell tries to look humble in Franco Zeffirelli's well-developed but ultimately anti-climactic film. Despite the cameos, half of which deliver and half don't at all (Peter Ustinov and Christopher Plummer are amazing as the respective Herods, but Ernest Borgnine looks really out of place and as though he's sleep-walking through his role while Rod Steiger looks kinda befuddled as Pontious Pilate). It's the longest film, though it shouldn't be, and every precious moment of character obtained by the brilliant work of the disciples is ruined by the pompous blowhard douche-bag Jesus. Powell ends up look snarky as his air of British entitlement seeps through every strained droopy-eyed parable he throws out as though the people should listen to him because they should just listen to him, dammit.

7.91/10

MONTY PYTHON'S LIFE OF BRIAN (1979)

directed by Terry Jones

or "I Was Mistaken for Jesus". Not as much a mockery of the life of Christ so much as a mockery of the life of everyone living around Jesus at the time. That's to its credit. While the sketch-comedy plotline keeps it just short of brilliant and it's not quite the laugh-a-minute it's predecessor THE HOLY GRAIL (1979) was, it's still damn fine comedy film-making.

7.84/10

THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST (1988)-

directed by Martin Scorsese

or "I Was a Blasphemous Jesus that Nobody in His Right Mind would Really Consider Following." The most controversial of the Jesus films, and rightfully so, and Jesus is used less as an archetype for the Son of Man and more as an archetype for Man himself. Instead of being the New Adam, he's the same old Adam that just figures things out a little quicker. It's all symbolism, and extremely blasphemous for the most part. It's brilliant and throught-provoking, but misguided and shows only a cursory understanding of the scriptures, which isn't bad in and of itself, since it's not based on the scriptures but on a book that's brilliant, thought-provoking, and utterly blasphemous.


7.53/10

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST (2004)-

directed by Mel Gibson

or "I Was a Snuff-Film Jesus". This is Medieval Catholicism on celluloid. Pounding, vociferous, and banal. Also very well-made.

7.15/10